The Hyggelig Journey

One of the most common themes my patients discuss in their psychotherapy sessions is self-sabotage. For psychologists, this presents a complex challenge, particularly when the mechanism operates unconsciously. Without intending to exhaust the subject, I’d like to share a few observations I frequently come across. Why do you sabotage yourself? More often than not, self-sabotage stems from a silent decision: the decision never to be vulnerable again. This choice was likely made a long time ago, without you even realising it, as a reaction to something deeply painful. So painful that you unconsciously set a rule for yourself: “I never want to feel that again.” From that moment on, you may have vowed never to ask for what you need, never to open your heart, never to trust, never to be fully present, never to reveal who you truly are. ( “People don’t deserve me.” ) It was the way you found to protect yourself and regain a sense of control at a time when you felt powerless. The problem with ...

Once, in a classroom, a professor told us that his clientele was equally divided into two parts. One part consisted of patients who visited his office out of necessity or curiosity. The other half, he told us, was made up of the ghosts of those people. The professor was not emphasising any religious experience — nothing of the sort. Rather, he was illustrating the phenomenon of emotional codependency. Many of the people who visited the clinic would report their experience to friends and colleagues, who, in turn, would only begin to take an interest as they observed changes in the patients. To some extent, this is organic and natural, but it becomes codependency when the "ghost" can only find motivation to seek care if it is entirely dependent on another person’s account. The problem with this attitude runs deep. In many cases, it is a form of self-sabotage, postponing self-care under a pretext. These individuals lack the crucial understanding that happiness is ...