The Hyggelig Journey

One of the most common themes my patients discuss in their psychotherapy sessions is self-sabotage. For psychologists, this presents a complex challenge, particularly when the mechanism operates unconsciously. Without intending to exhaust the subject, I’d like to share a few observations I frequently come across. Why do you sabotage yourself? More often than not, self-sabotage stems from a silent decision: the decision never to be vulnerable again. This choice was likely made a long time ago, without you even realising it, as a reaction to something deeply painful. So painful that you unconsciously set a rule for yourself: “I never want to feel that again.” From that moment on, you may have vowed never to ask for what you need, never to open your heart, never to trust, never to be fully present, never to reveal who you truly are. ( “People don’t deserve me.” ) It was the way you found to protect yourself and regain a sense of control at a time when you felt powerless. The problem with ...

All too often, we encounter situations that provoke fear or disgust, and instead of responding with thoughtfulness, we instinctively swing to the opposite extreme. Rather than pausing to understand the underlying issues or approaching them with balance, we react impulsively, believing that distancing ourselves as much as possible is the safest course of action. Ironically, this approach often leads us straight into the very situation we were trying to avoid — only in a slightly altered form. In our attempt to escape one perceived danger, we blindly run into another, failing to realise that both are merely different sides of the same coin. Take, for example, the way people react to financial hardship. Many witness others struggling under the weight of debt, losing their assets, or even facing bankruptcy. The sight of such instability fuels their determination to avoid the same fate, leading them to adopt an extreme approach to financial security. They dedicate themselves obs...