Overcoming Codependency Behaviours

Once, in a classroom, a professor told us that his clientele was equally divided into two parts. One part consisted of patients who visited his office out of necessity or curiosity. The other half, he told us, was made up of the ghosts of those people.

The professor was not emphasising any religious experience — nothing of the sort. Rather, he was illustrating the phenomenon of emotional codependency. Many of the people who visited the clinic would report their experience to friends and colleagues, who, in turn, would only begin to take an interest as they observed changes in the patients.

To some extent, this is organic and natural, but it becomes codependency when the "ghost" can only find motivation to seek care if it is entirely dependent on another person’s account.

The problem with this attitude runs deep. In many cases, it is a form of self-sabotage, postponing self-care under a pretext. These individuals lack the crucial understanding that happiness is not the same for everyone — what is heaven for one may be hell for another.

This passive transfer of responsibility can lead to bizarre situations. On one occasion, a patient felt so good after taking medication that had been properly prescribed to her that nearly everyone around her followed suit — self-medicating instead. Many people ended up buying something entirely unsuitable for them.

Unfortunately, this also applies when we observe people who are only willing to start therapy, follow a diet, or adopt an exercise routine if someone close to them does the same. Health is an exercise in independence — a process of empowerment in which you take personal responsibility for your choices and habits. It is far from healthy to make it a habit to care for yourself only when seeking another person’s validation.