Humanised Listening

Some people are so accustomed to themselves as they are that abandoning what harms them requires a certain amount of time and effort—something that is not for the therapist to judge.

I recall a patient whose chronic pain made the periodic use of medication essential for clinical management. Yet, she was reluctant to rely on it.

Her refusal to take any medication stemmed from a fear of becoming dependent on it. She associated it with a previous experience, where it took her far too long to wean herself off an antidepressant she had used daily.

However, this was now a reheated emotion. What could have been resolved in a few follow-up appointments—if not the worst of the crisis at least—stretched into a long journey of many interventions. But, given her self-imposed limitations, perhaps that was the time she needed and was capable of allowing herself.

The most painful part of humanised listening is knowing that much of what is advised and prescribed will be ignored by the patient. Help is not always accepted. It does not always fit in the budget or in the mind.

This excessive attachment to what is at hand, to emotional experiences, creates problems because the healing process fundamentally requires detachment.

A patient may leave the consultation armed with doses of courage, tablets of patience, bottles of hope, and injections of faith. But that is not enough. It is essential to be a friend of change.

It takes time to understand the process. To break free from limiting beliefs, emotional blocks, recurring thoughts, and ambiguous feelings. To change, even if slowly, but to change nonetheless—to rediscover, transformed and renewed, the old self.

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