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Awareness

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One of the simplest and most effective tools to guide what you intend to do is to name your emotions. This reduces the raw intensity of emotions, giving us the space to respond in a more deliberate way. The simple act of naming bridges the gap between thoughts and emotions, allowing us to be more intelligent with our feelings—something necessary if we are to use them as a resource rather than feel overwhelmed by them.

The exercise is simple. Next time you experience a really strong emotion, share the obvious with yourself: I am frustrated, or angry, or sad, or overwhelmed. This is extremely effective and opens a door for us to respond in the way we truly want. However, because of the way we have been socialised to think about difficult emotions, you may find yourself avoiding acknowledging that you are angry, frustrated, or overwhelmed—something that is not entirely helpful.

When we are trapped in the self-destructive mindset that some emotions are bad and that we should not feel them — such as anger, fear, and sadness — we are wasting a valuable resource. Emotions are data that focus our attention and motivate us towards a specific course of action. This is the depth of emotional intelligence. To navigate our emotions effectively, we must work with them, making them our allies.

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