Sometimes one cannot just let it go. While I can understand why a patient would like to give up, if he is willing to put himself walking inside the hospital, I must comprehend he wants to keep fighting. Tons of medicines, exhaustive hours later and nothing has changed but a frightened soul. Walking in, walking out of his room, the pace seems unfair and unreliable; but then again, the patient remains fighting. Never truly could understand how it happens, whether that is due to faith, love, or some sort of primal instinct, but people fight for their survival more frequently than we can bare to imagine in their shoes. It is too easier and human to surrender, I guess, but it is so surprisingly godly to battle one cell’s battle. Maybe that is what makes us more human: our will, I am not sure. I watch this all, so erratic and alone in my own thoughts, slightly resilient than the day before on my attempts at understanding this effort. I wish I could say for sure to all of them “it will be alright” meaning it… I cannot and probably never will, except hoping.
When my father fell ill in his final days, the lyrics of Shawn Mendes’ In My Blood became an unexpected refuge, helping me process the reality unfolding before me. The song’s plea — its raw, urgent cry against the weight of helplessness — resonated in a way that felt almost too personal. “Help me, it’s like the walls are caving in” — those words captured the suffocating dread that gripped me in the small hours, waiting for news, hoping for a miracle I already knew would not come. The song does not offer easy comfort; nor does it deny the pain of endurance. Instead, it acknowledges the struggle — the desperate search for strength when every instinct urges collapse. “I just wanna give up, but I can’t.” That was it, exactly. The exhaustion, the emotional erosion, the moments when hope felt like a cruel joke. And yet, beneath it all, an unspoken defiance: the fight continues, not because it is easy, but because surrender is unthinkable. The grief that followed those long hours ...
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